Chapter 12 · Why Women Love Assholes
So, What Do Women Really Want?
What do women really want in a relationship?
The final chapter of the book returns to the question that opened it: why do women love assholes? In this chapter, Dana I. Halawi explains that most women do not, even though many have been drawn to, or stuck on, a difficult man. She looks at what such a man can come to stand for, such as freedom, confidence or excitement, and at how those qualities may belong to the woman herself. The chapter separates the traits that create attraction from the behaviors that harm a relationship. It closes with practical questions and the story of Sarah, who stops chasing a feeling and begins describing the life she wants. It matters because it helps readers choose with clearer eyes.
What this chapter covers
- Most women are not drawn to cruelty; they respond to feelings and qualities a difficult man happens to stir up.
- A man can come to symbolize freedom or confidence that a woman is ready to develop in herself.
- Women want different things, but strength, mystery and passion need not come with control, confusion or volatility.
- Asking honest questions about a pull protects attraction, helping you tell uncertainty from chemistry and peace from boredom.
From the book
After everything we’ve explored, we have to come back to the question that started the book. Why do women love assholes? The honest answer is that most women don’t. They may love an asshole. They may become obsessed with one, spend months trying to understand him, defend him, wait for him, or wonder why they cannot get over him. But that doesn’t mean they are attracted to cruelty, disrespect, or being treated badly.
Reflect on this
The questions Dana I. Halawi asks at the end of Chapter 12:
- If you wrote your own honest list right now—not of a man’s qualities, but of the life you actually want—what would be on it?
- Where have you been treating peace like a consolation prize instead of the actual goal?
- What’s one pattern from this book you’re ready to stop calling “just what I’m attracted to,” and start actually examining?
Read the whole chapter, including Sarah’s story, in Why Women Love Assholes by Dana I. Halawi.