Chapter 10 · Why Women Love Assholes
Why Smart Women Ignore Red Flags
Why do smart women ignore red flags in relationships?
Some women can see a bad relationship clearly from the outside, yet stay in one of their own. Chapter 10 of Why Women Love Assholes looks at why that happens. In this chapter, Dana I. Halawi explains that intelligence does not protect anyone from attraction, hope or attachment, and that it can even make staying easier by supplying convincing reasons. The chapter covers how explanations slowly become excuses, why time already spent makes leaving harder, and how lowered expectations can go unnoticed. It also follows Nora, a capable woman who knew her partner's history so well that she lost sight of how he was actually treating her. The aim is not suspicion of every man, but clearer self-trust.
What this chapter covers
- Needing a new explanation for the same behavior again and again means you may be defending the relationship.
- Knowing why a man acts as he does does not change how his actions affect you.
- Time and effort already spent are not a reason to keep investing in something that isn't working.
- You do not need a dramatic reason to leave; being unhappy or unable to trust him is enough.
From the book
People find a particular kind of woman hard to understand when she stays with the wrong man. She is intelligent, has a career, makes good decisions, and can usually spot a bad relationship from across the room. Her friends call her when a man starts behaving strangely. She notices the inconsistencies, the excuses, and the sudden changes in behavior, and she can explain exactly why her best friend should leave.
Reflect on this
The questions Dana I. Halawi asks at the end of Chapter 10:
- What’s a red flag you saw clearly and explained away anyway? What story did you tell yourself to keep going?
- Do you tend to trust who you hope someone will become, over who is actually in front of you?
- If a friend described your most recent relationship back to you as a stranger’s story, what would you tell her?
Read the whole chapter, including Nora’s story, in Why Women Love Assholes by Dana I. Halawi.